A new dilemma

I’m not a multitasker. Never have been! I find it damn near impossible to focus on two things at once. Whoever started the rumour that women are the best multitaskers needs a bit of a wake up slap! To say such a thing is mean, cruel and untrue.  Try as I might, I end up feeling like a failure as a woman because I just can’t do it. It puts me under pressure and I become impossible to be around, so I avoid it at all costs.

Lately I’ve spent so much time worrying about my wrinkles that I haven’t been watching my weight. According to the scale I have gained 7Kgs since I reached my target last April.

 

I suspected I was gaining about a month ago. I could feel it in my jeans. Also, my body does this disturbing thing where it sends a great deal of fat to my tummy. Why it can’t be distributed evenly around my body I’ll never know.  I can tell when I gain weight because painting my toe nails becomes a bit of a contortion act. I can’t bend over my belly and breathe at the same time. Prettying up my toes is a paint, pant, paint, pant process.

“Babe, does it look like I’ve gained weight?” I asked my husband

“No Love. You look great!” he replies.

He’s quite obviously lying! He’s been known to say loads of really nice things to me to avoid me sulking or refusing to cook. He also says nice things when he thinks I’ll let him get cosy with me. The cheeky bugger!

The weather has really warmed up, so last night I took out my summer pj’s. The cutest little shorts and shirt set which I bought last summer.  I put the shorts on and to my blushing embarrassment they now fit like knickers and not at all like the shorts they are supposed to be. Break out the Banshee………. “Hells bells”, I roared, “Not this fat crap again!”

This morning it happened that I had to take a little trot to catch up to someone I wanted to talk to. I felt this really abnormal feeling behind me. My butt was bouncing wildly and a phrase my late grandfather used to say came to mind. If ever my grandpa saw a woman walking by, who had a particularly large bum, he would say “Look at her backside – It looks like two monkeys fighting in a mielie sack!” It would crack everyone up and all would be in fits of laugher. But there I was … trotting away with my butt doing the whole monkeys in the mielie sack thing! And I wasn’t laughing.

There is no debate - I have gained weight.

Although I have consistently been avoiding carbs like bread, pasta and potatoes, I do indulge in a beer or three every now and then and I eat choccies (most nights). 

I suspect the actual problem is that my meal portions have grown considerably. We are also coming out of winter so I do have the very valid excuse that winter did this to me.  

Standing at the mirror, taking a long hard look at myself I noticed the bright side of my weight gain. (Yes, there is always a bright side.) My wrinkles have far less depth. My face looks plumper and, I suppose, about as youthful as a sun damaged, hard working, stress feeling 42 year old could look.

I arrive at the crossroad of an impossible decision – 

To be thin and wrinkly or fat and wrinkle free? 

I can’t decide which would be the lesser of the two uglies?

I ponder what Mark Wahlburg would prefer?  Perhaps I’ll write to him and ask.