Unrealistic expectations?

I said I’d never have fillers again.  I also said I’d never have Botox again.  Fillers are so expensive. The only difference I see after fillers is a depleted bank account.  Botox on the other hand distorts my face and makes me look like a freak when I smile or laugh.  So yes, I have aggressively stated that I won’t ever do Botox or fillers again.

I’m too lazy to remember exactly how long ago it was, but some years ago I tried Botox. My husband had left on a three week business trip to somewhere in Central Africa and I seized the opportunity to have the Botox done in his absence. You must understand that it is never my intention to lie or hide things from him, but when I tell him I’m about to do something stupid he invariably gives me a whole lot of sensible reasons why I shouldn’t do what I’m about to do – and I really wanted to try Botox.  He was no sooner on his flight and I was in Dr Evil’s office.  I wouldn't mention the Botox so he would never know.   

It took two weeks for the effects of the Botox to kick in and I was rather impressed at how relaxed my face looked. That was of course until I smiled.  With every smile my cheeks came up and my right eye sagged down.  I looked like a freak. But nobody said anything so I assumed that I was being my usual overcritical self and that I was overreacting. Surely if I really did look odd someone would say something.  Or not!

By the time my husband came home I had forgotten about the Botox. We were so excited to see each other.  I was all smiles as we started to exchange our stories of what had happened while we were apart. I had so much to tell him (but not about the Botox of course.)  I had his full attention when suddenly his face fell – I could see his deep concern as he sat staring at me. And then our conversation went something like this….

ME: “What’s wrong?”

HIM: “What happened to you?”

ME: “What do you mean?”

HIM: “Are you ok?”

ME: “Yes, I’m fine!”

HIM: “Babe, something terrible has happened to you.”

ME: “You’re scaring me! Why are you saying this?”

HIM: “There is something wrong with your face!”

ME: “What, my love? What’s wrong with my face?”

HIM: “I think you’ve had a stroke!”

And right there and then I swore I’d never have Botox again.

Saying you’ll never have Botox again must be a bit like delivering a baby and saying you’ll never have any more kids, but then you go on to have two or three more.  The disappointment of the horrendous ‘stroke effect’ I got from the Botox is obviously a very distant memory because, yeah, I went back two weeks ago. Not just for Botox, but for more fillers too.

What a sucker for punishment!  Why does it work so well for others but I walk away looking battered and distorted.  My smile looks sarcastic and unfriendly because my eye area is frozen.  It seriously looks like I’m faking smiles.   I just don’t get it.  Dr Evil is obviously skilled because I know so many of her clients, and they all look gorgeous (and normal).  But not me!

I discussed my crisis with my younger sister who manages a Sk:n Clinic in the UK. Our conversation went something like this….

ME:  “There is no difference!”

HER: “I’m sure that’s not true.”

ME: “Honestly, besides the fact that she’s given me a blue eye again, and I now look very unfriendly, there’s no difference!”

HER: “I hate clients like you!”

ME: “WHAT? WHY?”

HER: “You have unrealistic expectations!”

Unrealistic expectations?

I’m crushed! How can anyone think that it’s unrealistic of me to go in to a beauty clinic, spend all that money, and not walk out expecting to look like I’m 25 again?  That's so not an unrealistic expectation!  Pfffft!