Free advice?

Since I started my little ‘whine & moan' I have been sent a total of 4 (yes, only four) tips that could possibly help me with my wrinkle dilemma. What the heck people? Help an old bag out! Where's all the advice?  Sheeez, nobody gives out free advice anymore! But anyway......  Special thanks to the four GF's that were kind enough to recommend possible solutions. 

My first offer of a possible solution came all the way from Abu Dhabi - You see, it’s the far-away friends that really care.... they can give you their beauty secrets because they don’t need to compete against your good looks. They live too far away to be threatened by your possible gorgeousness.  

Now there were no empty promises made here. Sandy was honest from the start and said she had not experimented with the capsules herself but had heard that drinking Collagen was supposed to be a great remedy for firming skin. Considering many of my wrinkles appeared after my weight loss this advice was taken very seriously and collagen capsules were acquired. The instructions read: Take three capsules at night. So, I drink three capsules every night (that I remember).

My second lot of advice came from my little (she's really short) friend, who works in the beauty department of a national pharmacy-type-store. Apparently it’s not only external factors such as sun damage that can cause wrinkles. Bad diet, not drinking enough water (let’s not go there again), free radicals, booze, and stress can all play a part in how your skin ages. It doesn’t help that I carry some seriously awful aging genes, but apparently my damage has been done from inside, outside and my family genetics. Eish! So, according to Erina I can try to fight my wrinkles from the inside too, and not just use all the creams and topical potions. Erina recommended the Nutriwoman vitamin package. This is a package that contains daily packs of vitamins - 7 (SEVEN) capsules to be taken every morning. It’s not an easy feat since half the capsules are the size of bullets. It takes a whole cup of tea to get them all down, but on the up side they really fill me up, so I can leave the house feeling like I've had breakfast even though I haven't.  I remember to take these ones daily because I keep them in the drawer with my 'pollyfiller' - otherwise known as make-up.  I've been taking them for two weeks now. No great shakes just yet - I can't see any changes other than radio-active looking pee.  

After whinging about Dr Evil and my wasted 10K I was invited to a ‘Ladies Beauty Day’ by a pal that’s probably only 3 years younger than me, but looks half my age. The information I received was that a Doctor was inviting 20 women to take part in a beauty day in which she will do a free skin analysis and have lovely specials on all her Botox and Filler packages. “Oh wow,” I thought… I already have some Filler in my face – evidently not nearly enough – so maybe I should attend the ‘cheap beauty day’ and get a top-up of Filler - perhaps then I’ll see a difference. “Sign me up – I’ll be there!”  I said happily. If it’s cheap or free I’m in!  I was added to the Whatsapp group and received some more info saying that there will even be a lucky draw and one of us lucky ladies will win something. The message doesn’t specify what, but I’m hoping its FREE FILLER! Those other chicks won’t know what’s hit them if the prize is free Filler. I’ve been known to bite, scratch and elbow people in the throat to get what I want. Those other women will have to be-very-ware!   A few days later I was added to an emailing list as more info was being sent out to all the prospective ‘old gals’ looking for a quick fix. I received the email and opened it excitedly and y’all ain’t gonna believe this…. The attending Doctor is ……………..  DR EVIL!  Should I go or shouldn’t I? Make no mistake, I’m going to be there – I’m taking this face of mine right over to that party and if I don’t get a free Filler fix I’m going be flapping my lips to all those old bats about my first very expensive, very disappointing ordeal with Dr Evil. When those girls hear that they are potentially about to waste money they’ll all be leaving that ladies party and Dr Evil will lose beeeg moola! A lot more than one free fix of Filler.  She better be good to me… or so help me, I’ll flap these lips, I’ll sing like a caged canary.  

The last piece of advice I’ve received actually came from my mom.

“Nakki-Noo” she started “there is one option and one option only – The knife!”

She continued, “You just have too much skin, my little duck! Trust me, nothing will take it away – only the knife!”  

She was using her knowing tone of voice.  

“But maaaarmie,” I whined, “I’ll upset Greg – He is pretty much against surgery for wrinkles since it’s not a life-threatening condition, and besides it costs about 100k – currently I have 85c in my wallet and a plastic card that make laughing sounds if I swipe it for more than R100. The knife is not an option for me.”

“Well,” my wise mother concluded, “then you’re just going to have to get over it!”

Whahahahahahaha.  Like that’s ever going to happen.

I’m still feeling desperate!

I’m taking free advice – But I’m not taking crap advice!

My struggle is real people, my struggle is real!

Toodles

Xxx